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【 ＰＯＥＴＲＹ 】
Sweet moments are set aside for us, I can feel it on my fingertips, rose colored. Every time you touch me it's like the red spreads and how do I dare feel rosy when your so f***ing golden lips are against mine and your hands travel my body and I feel a mist envelope us, but at this point the color is unapparent. The smell of your cologne with the taste of gold is enough to get me out of a shallow storm, and as soon as I wrap my legs around your waist you're so golden. It feels as though my chest doesn't have a heart anymore, as if it's all just a feeling, something more than just entrails. It's all something you caused, something I can hear in my ears and feel in my chest, something that feels as burning roses smell. However gold tastes, I know it's you. You're my shining star, you're invited into my world and I plan to keep you here. If you wanna go, the door's right there in the back where I keep tattered boxes of old memories. But I'd hate it if you left, I'd get under the influence of the thought of you and make it my new favorite deadly sin. I tend to do that, make sad thoughts into a hobby, something to work with and take to my time where I'm spacing out and off my f***ing rocker. My free time would never be the same, your potential unavailability isn't just myself staring back at a pack of bottles or any of the same old sad, lonely breakup things, it's obsession that's dripping with venom. But as far as I'd like to believe, you're not leaving my world of battered and beaten surprises and whatever you'd like to believe you see when you're with /me/, not what some other person takes me for. In my world, I love to pepper you with kisses and shut your eyelids and tell you it's me. I love to sit you down and crawl on your lap and feel your soft hair and hear you talk about the rings decorated on your fingers, or the way you felt when you bought a new suit and it made you feel satisfactory, or a trip you had to God knows where. It doesn't have to be too big of a story or too small, I could hear you in your unique, mesmerizing voice for days. God do I love you, I'm in deep, I swear I've warned myself throughout my life to be cautious of falling in love but it's so f***ing hard when with you it's all a beautiful ditzy daze.
ᴄᴏᴜᴘʟᴇ ǫᴜᴇsᴛɪᴏɴs
Who constantly tries to get the other to shower with them? Generally that's a two way street but Alex does it less due to not wanting to slip and fall on his ass
Who plays video games and who snuggles up next to them as they play? Miles gamez and Alex snugglez
Who is horny ALL OF THE TIME? miles
Who is sleepy and cuddly ALL OF THE TIME? alex
Who knocks on the other’s door crying at 4am? ALEX but it's not a dramatic cry it's a # wipes eyes # god
Who collects rocks and shells when they go to the beach and who thinks it’s dumb? Miles collects, Alex squints
Who picks fights for no reason just so they can have sex? Honestly sounds like a two way street but typically Alex even tho Miles is very hurny
Who secretly admires the hell out of the other and thinks they’re the bravest person they’ve ever met? ALEX ALEX ALEX *@**@*@*@M ILES
Who has an adorable sneeze and who sneezes so aggressively they pull a muscle? I'd like to think Alex could give a really aggressive sneeze
Who wants to have sex at work/school and who is terrified of getting caught? Miles, Alex
Who smells the hell out of the other’s shirts when they’re away but pretends that they don’t? Alex
Who is majorly ticklish and who is the tickle-attacker? Not sure about majorly ticklish but Miles tickles Alex
Who greatly exaggerates being sick every time they feel even a little poorly just so the other will take care of them? Prolly both of them
Who plays video games and who snuggles up next to them as they play? Miles gamez and Alex snugglez
Who is horny ALL OF THE TIME? miles
Who is sleepy and cuddly ALL OF THE TIME? alex
Who knocks on the other’s door crying at 4am? ALEX but it's not a dramatic cry it's a # wipes eyes # god
Who collects rocks and shells when they go to the beach and who thinks it’s dumb? Miles collects, Alex squints
Who picks fights for no reason just so they can have sex? Honestly sounds like a two way street but typically Alex even tho Miles is very hurny
Who secretly admires the hell out of the other and thinks they’re the bravest person they’ve ever met? ALEX ALEX ALEX *@**@*@*@M ILES
Who has an adorable sneeze and who sneezes so aggressively they pull a muscle? I'd like to think Alex could give a really aggressive sneeze
Who wants to have sex at work/school and who is terrified of getting caught? Miles, Alex
Who smells the hell out of the other’s shirts when they’re away but pretends that they don’t? Alex
Who is majorly ticklish and who is the tickle-attacker? Not sure about majorly ticklish but Miles tickles Alex
Who greatly exaggerates being sick every time they feel even a little poorly just so the other will take care of them? Prolly both of them
ʟᴏᴜᴅ ᴠᴇɴᴛs
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀☂ college au ☂
His mind was a demanding one, and normally, Alex wouldn't mind.
He'd lately been that way, always been the same old biting human being that everyone knew as the guy with the mouth, the aura everyone knew and selectively loved.
Lately, Alex found a lot of things that brought a bitter feeling to his chest.
And quite unluckily for everyone else, he was in quite a bitter mood that day.
But then again, it was school, who wasn't in a bitter mood there lately?
Though, something was driving Alex off.
A classroom is not a place for Alex when his senses are sensitive. They are bothered by the noise from the other students who speak all at once and move their chairs back and forth because they need to pick up a pencil off the floor or just cannot sit still. Maybe even the guys in the back row that Alex didn't have any personal problem with, they weren't even that disruptive, but every little comment he could make out from the whispered conversation sent Alex's mouth to twist to the side.
Then when it was finally quiet, the air conditioner would become deafening. The knocks on the door to walk in would be so repetitive and Alex's eyes felt like they were going to explode with the next click of a computer mouse he heard.
Sleepless nights and hungover mornings weren't convenient for his time at school, he knew, but somehow he didn't care and would have to face the consequences. He couldn't just zone out, not with the thumping in his head. Not with his twitchy fingers or irritable eyes, not with his caged thoughts ready to push against the raw ache of his head. What also couldn't help but bother him was the sound of an acoustic being set down on the ground.
Yeah, there were those types of people at his school. The ones to bring instruments and brag and boast about how big they'd get. Alex didn't get it, people going out of their way to do things like that. He'd be lying if he said it didn't irritate him at least a bit. Not because of jealousy, but for some reason he couldn't be bothered to explain.
He bit his lip and licked at it, giving the fellow student a glance, gladly they never caught it. He didn't want to look like he showed interest, because once he does, they'll start playing.
"Wanna hear a song?"
"No."
That's how the situation played clearly in his head, he'd turn them down bluntly, and thank God he didn't have to. In a moment like this, he hoped their fingers would never graze those strings. That would really set him off. Then students would talk louder and Alex would feel like slitting his own throat.
He sighed through his nose, imagining freedom. He imagined he'd get up and leave, though in this scenario no one could pay attention to him and no one could care. They'd be going about their normal lives, but Alex would stand up and head out. Where would he go? He pondered for a short while before his mind lead his legs down the hallway and to use barley any energy to push open the heavy front door to the school. The sound of the air rushing past him and the door squeaking was almost magic, it was like a golden key to some golden, sparkling treasure he needed so badly to get his hands on.
He finally had it, he finally had some freedom. He breathed in in his imagination, physically doing the same where he was in reality, sitting in his desk. But his dream-like self was at the front of the school with the biggest smile on his face.
His mind was a demanding one, and normally, Alex wouldn't mind.
He'd lately been that way, always been the same old biting human being that everyone knew as the guy with the mouth, the aura everyone knew and selectively loved.
Lately, Alex found a lot of things that brought a bitter feeling to his chest.
And quite unluckily for everyone else, he was in quite a bitter mood that day.
But then again, it was school, who wasn't in a bitter mood there lately?
Though, something was driving Alex off.
A classroom is not a place for Alex when his senses are sensitive. They are bothered by the noise from the other students who speak all at once and move their chairs back and forth because they need to pick up a pencil off the floor or just cannot sit still. Maybe even the guys in the back row that Alex didn't have any personal problem with, they weren't even that disruptive, but every little comment he could make out from the whispered conversation sent Alex's mouth to twist to the side.
Then when it was finally quiet, the air conditioner would become deafening. The knocks on the door to walk in would be so repetitive and Alex's eyes felt like they were going to explode with the next click of a computer mouse he heard.
Sleepless nights and hungover mornings weren't convenient for his time at school, he knew, but somehow he didn't care and would have to face the consequences. He couldn't just zone out, not with the thumping in his head. Not with his twitchy fingers or irritable eyes, not with his caged thoughts ready to push against the raw ache of his head. What also couldn't help but bother him was the sound of an acoustic being set down on the ground.
Yeah, there were those types of people at his school. The ones to bring instruments and brag and boast about how big they'd get. Alex didn't get it, people going out of their way to do things like that. He'd be lying if he said it didn't irritate him at least a bit. Not because of jealousy, but for some reason he couldn't be bothered to explain.
He bit his lip and licked at it, giving the fellow student a glance, gladly they never caught it. He didn't want to look like he showed interest, because once he does, they'll start playing.
"Wanna hear a song?"
"No."
That's how the situation played clearly in his head, he'd turn them down bluntly, and thank God he didn't have to. In a moment like this, he hoped their fingers would never graze those strings. That would really set him off. Then students would talk louder and Alex would feel like slitting his own throat.
He sighed through his nose, imagining freedom. He imagined he'd get up and leave, though in this scenario no one could pay attention to him and no one could care. They'd be going about their normal lives, but Alex would stand up and head out. Where would he go? He pondered for a short while before his mind lead his legs down the hallway and to use barley any energy to push open the heavy front door to the school. The sound of the air rushing past him and the door squeaking was almost magic, it was like a golden key to some golden, sparkling treasure he needed so badly to get his hands on.
He finally had it, he finally had some freedom. He breathed in in his imagination, physically doing the same where he was in reality, sitting in his desk. But his dream-like self was at the front of the school with the biggest smile on his face.
ʀᴇᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ ᴍᴇ ᴡʜᴇɴ
I just woke up pretty randomly, it's 2:33 AM and I'm decently surprised that I don't have anything dreadful to say. I have no story to tell or idea about anything really but I feel like if I let my mind wander the subject of close people that are not-so-close anymore, I could get something out of myself, but I don't think I'm looking to rip the piss out of myself right now. A new, rare occasion, I know I know. I had a really good shower when I got home and didn't think I'd sleep too early but I woke up too early and here I am with one foot in the gutter and one foot in the gold. The gutter being potential to not be able to go to sleep again and have a night like my recent bad one, the gold being that I enjoy this little time I have with myself waking up so randomly and I'm able to sleep again.
And I type these things out how I see them play in my head, I don't stop and think of what to say or even really delete things, this is all pretty damn raw. I simply woke up, got out of bed and made sure not to disturb Miles, and headed to sit in the kitchen and write and here I am.
"Alex, why have you been writing so much lately?"
I actually have three answers for that. One, typically I think I'd write this much if I had the time and care to put it up here, and two, this week seems a little special. You, me, words, you know? I've got the opportunity and I've got this weird mentality currently so why not just write whatever comes to head lately. Four, because I can and I want to, it really comes down to that if you find everything else I've said to just look like an excuse like I do.
Anyway, it's weird, I've had this random thought cross my mind, it told me I don't wanna have break. Isn't that weird? I've been bickering about all my time wasted, all the sleep that's been deprived because of working this week, and yet I think a small, weird, deeper piece of me wants to stay like this. It's not a good idea to a different me, is it? That's occupied from the morning to late afternoon, itching like I'm a damn junkie to go home and shower and hop into bed. I don't know, I haven't really known for the past- what! Two days? It's been two days, Christ
I don't f***in' care I guess, just stop looking at the time, right?
God f***ing damn me. With this unstoppable train of thought I've had ever since I was even able to have an unstoppable train of thought, you get a lot of random things, a lot of things you don't even know are true or not or typical or hypocritical and stuff like that, - like right now I got a thought that I wanted to write but I'm here talking about somethin completely different. I said these were random rants and writings, never said they'd be interesting or constructed well
So I just had the thought that I'm surprised with all this talking I haven't went onto the topic of Miles yet. You all are sighing, right? "The one time we get to see him talk about himself and his mind wanders to Miles!"
Yeah well suck it up okay, he deserves this little credit and we all know how I am with people I love anyway
So here's the thing; he's been great lately, he always is, but I've been kinda needing it. I just wish I could get it without seeming like I'm miserable and needing of it, which I'm not I'm just slumping and every time Miles opens his mouth it seems like he helps me far more than I remember he could. He's very physical with things too and I like that a lot, hugs and kisses and whatnot whenever possible and then he's funny and sh*te. As little as it was as well, he gave me a cig earlier and I loved that. Not because it was that he was giving me a free cigarette but I just mentioned casually that I needed one and his mind immediately went to just giving me one. It's things like those where I realize what a damn giving person he is, I love him a lot.
That and I'll be laying on the bed and I'm clearly not sleeping, just kind of existing, and he'll walk in and immediately cage me in and we're being all playful but then it can slip into us being something more serious, which I like seeing from Miles, because I like seeing every part of him.
I've also got this new song I really like covered by good ole Paul Anka, it's called Oh, Such a Stranger, let me get a link if y'wanna give it a listen..
www.youtube.com/watch?v=-3kM-c2trlM
I'll tell you one thing; if you listen to it and don't like it, I won't be able to understand, hah. Yeah but... yeah... I think I'll end it here? I don't like ending things like this, it feels like there's so much more to be said potentially and I don't like saying goodbye on these things, it feels sad. Once I click post, I'm on my own again until my next comforting writing...
so I guess this isn't a "goodbye", it's a "I'll see you again"
Right, I'll try and sleep now I think. See ya
And I type these things out how I see them play in my head, I don't stop and think of what to say or even really delete things, this is all pretty damn raw. I simply woke up, got out of bed and made sure not to disturb Miles, and headed to sit in the kitchen and write and here I am.
"Alex, why have you been writing so much lately?"
I actually have three answers for that. One, typically I think I'd write this much if I had the time and care to put it up here, and two, this week seems a little special. You, me, words, you know? I've got the opportunity and I've got this weird mentality currently so why not just write whatever comes to head lately. Four, because I can and I want to, it really comes down to that if you find everything else I've said to just look like an excuse like I do.
Anyway, it's weird, I've had this random thought cross my mind, it told me I don't wanna have break. Isn't that weird? I've been bickering about all my time wasted, all the sleep that's been deprived because of working this week, and yet I think a small, weird, deeper piece of me wants to stay like this. It's not a good idea to a different me, is it? That's occupied from the morning to late afternoon, itching like I'm a damn junkie to go home and shower and hop into bed. I don't know, I haven't really known for the past- what! Two days? It's been two days, Christ
I don't f***in' care I guess, just stop looking at the time, right?
God f***ing damn me. With this unstoppable train of thought I've had ever since I was even able to have an unstoppable train of thought, you get a lot of random things, a lot of things you don't even know are true or not or typical or hypocritical and stuff like that, - like right now I got a thought that I wanted to write but I'm here talking about somethin completely different. I said these were random rants and writings, never said they'd be interesting or constructed well
So I just had the thought that I'm surprised with all this talking I haven't went onto the topic of Miles yet. You all are sighing, right? "The one time we get to see him talk about himself and his mind wanders to Miles!"
Yeah well suck it up okay, he deserves this little credit and we all know how I am with people I love anyway
So here's the thing; he's been great lately, he always is, but I've been kinda needing it. I just wish I could get it without seeming like I'm miserable and needing of it, which I'm not I'm just slumping and every time Miles opens his mouth it seems like he helps me far more than I remember he could. He's very physical with things too and I like that a lot, hugs and kisses and whatnot whenever possible and then he's funny and sh*te. As little as it was as well, he gave me a cig earlier and I loved that. Not because it was that he was giving me a free cigarette but I just mentioned casually that I needed one and his mind immediately went to just giving me one. It's things like those where I realize what a damn giving person he is, I love him a lot.
That and I'll be laying on the bed and I'm clearly not sleeping, just kind of existing, and he'll walk in and immediately cage me in and we're being all playful but then it can slip into us being something more serious, which I like seeing from Miles, because I like seeing every part of him.
I've also got this new song I really like covered by good ole Paul Anka, it's called Oh, Such a Stranger, let me get a link if y'wanna give it a listen..
www.youtube.com/watch?v=-3kM-c2trlM
I'll tell you one thing; if you listen to it and don't like it, I won't be able to understand, hah. Yeah but... yeah... I think I'll end it here? I don't like ending things like this, it feels like there's so much more to be said potentially and I don't like saying goodbye on these things, it feels sad. Once I click post, I'm on my own again until my next comforting writing...
so I guess this isn't a "goodbye", it's a "I'll see you again"
Right, I'll try and sleep now I think. See ya
ꜱᴡɪɴɢɪɴɢ ʟᴇɢꜱ
8:16 AM
Did waking up even happen? Please enlighten me, I'd like to know, because I don't remember it at all. I just know last night I slept better than I had the night before. The night before was a hard one for me now looking back on it, lying awake and thinking about what I've done and things to message people who don't care anymore. I tossed and turned and my vision seemed wild and streaked. But last night I slept soundly, I slept happily with Miles.
Aside from that, I feel ill, I feel like I want to slam the side of my head into the table and tumble off the chair. I guess you really do need sleep sometimes eh... I assume even though I feel sick to hell, I won't listen to logic anyway.
I feel so terribly ill and I need to stop stretching my arms above my head, it makes them feel sorely tired.
I overheard someone's conversation and it was damn annoying, dense ig. It pissed me off a bit but I can't afford to care much for it to ruin my day.
I want to throw up - if you couldn't tell already.
Not a fan of mornings.
9:50 AM
What did I do for that hour? I can't remember, I just know my face feels horrible.
My lips feel dry no matter how much I lick them, every time I run my fingertips across my face I feel oncoming acne or acne that's already there, my skin feels dry even if it's not.
I need to stop licking and nibbling my lips before they chap, there's a line on my lips that tastes like blood already
But I've stopped stretching my arms
I put my hand in front of myself and my fingertips keep moving about all oddly
I feel dirty, as soon as I get home I'm taking a shower, and I want my hair out of my face
10:11 AM
I want to sleep in the corner of the bathroom
11:50 AM
I can't wait to see Miles, I'm not toppling over myself practically anymore though so that's a good thing innit
I don't feel too sick to eat unlike yesterday so that's also good, I think my want to throw up disappears faster now. But my heart rate is pounding and my hand trembles every now and then.
I want a cig though... wonder if I could have a quick one in a few
God I don't wanna bother Mi with this, it's just me being unhealthy, I hope it's not obvious. Every time I get home I try to be subtle about it, it's not that big'a deal.
2:50 PM
Well I don't feel as sh*t! I mean my arms are kinda post-given out, not completely slacking at all, but a little tired. My shoulders kind of hurt though, at least I'm not constantly feeling my face anymore though, and I don't want to sleep in the bathroom or throw up
I haven't taken a nap once today, so that's good, as I'm not supposed to (though I should)
3:34 PM
Currently I feel alright, way better than what the mornings got to serve me. The mornings are always where I'm not at my best but currently I don't think I'm at my best either, it just is the best compared to this morning. I think this is my final thought of the day even though the day ends a little later than now, but I think I feel my best I can.
Did waking up even happen? Please enlighten me, I'd like to know, because I don't remember it at all. I just know last night I slept better than I had the night before. The night before was a hard one for me now looking back on it, lying awake and thinking about what I've done and things to message people who don't care anymore. I tossed and turned and my vision seemed wild and streaked. But last night I slept soundly, I slept happily with Miles.
Aside from that, I feel ill, I feel like I want to slam the side of my head into the table and tumble off the chair. I guess you really do need sleep sometimes eh... I assume even though I feel sick to hell, I won't listen to logic anyway.
I feel so terribly ill and I need to stop stretching my arms above my head, it makes them feel sorely tired.
I overheard someone's conversation and it was damn annoying, dense ig. It pissed me off a bit but I can't afford to care much for it to ruin my day.
I want to throw up - if you couldn't tell already.
Not a fan of mornings.
9:50 AM
What did I do for that hour? I can't remember, I just know my face feels horrible.
My lips feel dry no matter how much I lick them, every time I run my fingertips across my face I feel oncoming acne or acne that's already there, my skin feels dry even if it's not.
I need to stop licking and nibbling my lips before they chap, there's a line on my lips that tastes like blood already
But I've stopped stretching my arms
I put my hand in front of myself and my fingertips keep moving about all oddly
I feel dirty, as soon as I get home I'm taking a shower, and I want my hair out of my face
10:11 AM
I want to sleep in the corner of the bathroom
11:50 AM
I can't wait to see Miles, I'm not toppling over myself practically anymore though so that's a good thing innit
I don't feel too sick to eat unlike yesterday so that's also good, I think my want to throw up disappears faster now. But my heart rate is pounding and my hand trembles every now and then.
I want a cig though... wonder if I could have a quick one in a few
God I don't wanna bother Mi with this, it's just me being unhealthy, I hope it's not obvious. Every time I get home I try to be subtle about it, it's not that big'a deal.
2:50 PM
Well I don't feel as sh*t! I mean my arms are kinda post-given out, not completely slacking at all, but a little tired. My shoulders kind of hurt though, at least I'm not constantly feeling my face anymore though, and I don't want to sleep in the bathroom or throw up
I haven't taken a nap once today, so that's good, as I'm not supposed to (though I should)
3:34 PM
Currently I feel alright, way better than what the mornings got to serve me. The mornings are always where I'm not at my best but currently I don't think I'm at my best either, it just is the best compared to this morning. I think this is my final thought of the day even though the day ends a little later than now, but I think I feel my best I can.