Sign Up, It's Free!         Browse People         Browse Blogs            Browse Forums

Blog Posts by Members

Fear's Past [2019 Edition]


April 1st, 2001
I was born. Yes, my birthday is on April Fools day. I was a month early actually. When I was pulled out, there was no man next to my mother. Well, her age at least. My parents were divorced before I was born so I don't know much about my father. Just his name, Kenneth, and the state he resides in, Pennsylvania. I..was a f***ed up child, I won't lie. I had 3 open heart surgeries. This makes my heart beat faster than normal people's and I can't jog as long as other people can. I also have a joint in my left thumb that doesn't work. I can't bend the second half of it. But that's not important to my story. My life was fine for a few years..until I turned six..

There are three abuses that I have been forced to take. Verbal, physical, and psychological. Psychological abuse I guess is when someone convinces you're something that you're not. We'll get to that in a bit. When I was six, (I can't remember much really..) I would get an ass whooping all the time. Now, that's just punishment. Some people have to learn the hard way. Most people do in my opinion. But my mother beat me. She would slap my face, threatened to punch me, hit me with the nearest object, etc. Before I get to the one mini story, my mother convinced me I was a fatass for four years (6-10) I look pudgy when I sit down because that's relaxed muscle in my abdomen area. I don't exercise a lot really. But I currently weigh 115lbs. Fatass, right? I think not. This was the second house we lived in and she had her second bf. Marshall. Marshall, at the time, was a druggie and a gold digger. Her first one was a druggie. One day, my mother and I were doing P90X (A workout CD program). I couldn't do squats correctly. I would always tilt my back a bit forward. After countless tries and countless screams at me from my mother, she got so mad that she bit me for a good 20 seconds. I sh*t you not..she bit me. It left an oval bruise on it. Now, my mother told me to NEVER tell my grandma but I always did. I became depressed really quickly and tried to get as much attention as I wanted..negative or positive. I was that annoying kid that people hated. But at home..I was wearing a sad and depressed face. My mother would always ask why and I answered, 'I dunno.' Then she would scream at me, screaming the same question. The truth was..I never wanted to be around my mother. I had no way to channel my anger. The only time I did was when I yelled at my grandma. I knew she wouldn't hit me. I expressed my feelings in anger and hatred...

This one will be a short one since its just another abuse story. I was eight-ten when this happened and we were in our 3rd house. First let me introduce you to Trey. Trey and I were best friends at the time. But..my mother didn't like him all that much so I had to end the friendship. I went to the local park one day and I saw Trey and Trey saw me. We hung out a bit and then I came back home. My mother was half awake at the time when I got in. She asked me to make her a sandwich. Now at the time, I was too lazy to put mayo on my sandwiches. My mother didn't ask for mayo..just ham and cheese or turkey and cheese..I forget. I don't think she said mayo. I made it and gave it to her and she took a bite. She was still in bed at the time. She then chucked the sandwich at me and got up. She made her own sandwich and asked what I was doing at the park. I said I was hanging out with Trey. I forget the next part but she thought I was lying to her and started to scream at me. She then got a fork and threw it at me, prongs or stabby things first. I moved but it chipped some of my ear off. She then threw a milk jug at me and that hit me in the leg. And that was the end of it I think.

When I turned 11, my grandparents had enough. They called CPS (Child Protective Services) and this really cool guy came over and talked to me. My mom and her..5th boyfriend, Jimmy, were at the beach celebrating her birthday. I was at my grandparents. I can't really what happened during the weeks ahead but we had a court battle a month or two later. My mother lied to the judge, saying she didn't do anything to me. But, we had a photo of the bite mark from when I was six. That was the only thing that she admitted to. Cause we had proof. I had to stay in the deli with one of my uncles since no one under 18 was allowed inside the court room itself. Another one of my uncles was paying for my mother's lawyer so I lost all respect for him. We won after a few hours.

Second court battle a few months later...
My mother tried to fight to get custody of me and I had to stay in the deli again. I should point out that our lawyer was 15 grand each ($15,000) so it would be 30 Gs in total. I actually went to speak to the judge (really nice lady) alone in her office. We talked a bit and she said she couldn't charge her because evidence fades away over time. And all this was years ago. We won again but she sent me to a family reunification therapist for five months, once a week. Did nothing for me. She was a bitch. She was trying to get me back with my mother. I'm all like..'Hell to the no.' But she kept pushing it and it got annoying. The five months passed and I still do not wish to see my mother. F*** you mom! xD

Last year...
I had been living with my grandparents since the first court battle and life was good..until the detectives came. Yeah, one day two detectives came to our door. My grandma was at work and my grandpa is retired. I went into the garage and my grandpa went to go and talk to them. I can't remember much of what he said but I learned that he was looking at child p0rnography which is illegal. CPS came again and this time it was a woman. We went into my room and she asked my if I was being like touched or anything. And no, he wasn't. I'm fine. The closest thing of touching me was putting a frozen breakfast on my back. xD My grandpa packed his stuff and went to live with his niece or something. I rode with the CPS lady to her office and she contacted my grandma and told her all about this. The detectives took my grandpa's computer and they found a picture of a young boy on his computer. Like I said, I'm fine. After all this other stuff, he moved back in. But he f***ed up again and did it again. My grandma and I moved out to live with my aunt and uncle for 6-8 months.

While living with them, one of my aunt's disks in her spine popped out and was hitting her nerve. You know when you have muscle spasms? Imagine having that all day, all night, everyday. She recently got surgery so she's fine and she can walk on her own again. My grandma and I got our own place not far from my aunt and uncle's and we're living with two doggies. I also have the most wonderful and amazing girlfriend. ^-^ My life is now in a more happy stage now.
_________________________________________________________________

Guys, my point is that you just need to wait it out. Life is too precious to throw away because you never know when something will happen. Sure, some bad things will happen. A lot of bad things will happen. But you never know when something good will come to you..

_________________________________________________________________

In November of 2017 my uncle had a stroke caused by the doctor not keeping an eye on him. His pulse/o2 was in the fifties and had extreme hypertension. He was paralyzed from the belly button down. His initial stroke was so massive that until February he kept having smaller strokes throughout the night. From November to February I watched him from my loft. I watched him deteriorate slowly and painfully. I literally watched him die. Seeing him in active end of life was the hardest part for me. I walked into the back door from school and I see him groaning in pain, and my aunt administrating Morphine. When they told me what was happening I don’t believe I comprehended it at first, but then soon cried my eyes out. I knew that one of my most lively family members had a few days left to live. He did teach me one thing though. Don’t be afraid of death. Live your life how you want to, no matter the choices. My uncle didn’t care about anything because he knew that the only thing that was important was his friends and family. He knew his choices weren’t the best, but that didn’t stop him from doing whatever the hell he wanted.

Ayo, but fast forward to 2019. My dumbass graduated high school with the transcript of freshman, freshman, junior, senior and still graduated with the boys. Yes, I failed freshman year and skipped sophomore year. I’m just that stupidly smart. I’ve been through some sh*t, been out of some sh*t. Helped some people, made some f***ing enemies.

I’m back with my mom now but I still live with my grandma. I got some mother f***ing dreams now from being a SWAT Medic to a psychiatric nurse to a flight nurse. I wanted to be in the Navy and be a SARC but my heart gave me the middle finger.

As you can see, my stupid ass is now just ‘no f***s given’ and f***ing angry. I don’t roleplay as much anymore but I’m trying to get back into it. Can’t believe I’ve been on this bullsh*t site for almost five years now.

Ay but lemme say this. Chase your dream. Excel at what you love. Don’t let nobody hold you down. Only you hold you down, trust me I know.

That’s all for now. Enjoy the song.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=e1UUAhZ3JzM?autoplay=1
Heart this
14 | 12 Comments | by Fears | Dec 13th 2015 20:56

Mia


Name: Mia
Age: 10
Gender: Female
Born: Irish
Height: 4'4" (132 cm)
Hair color: Dark cherry blonde
Hair length: Long
Eye color: Brown
Nationality: Irish
Sexual Orientation: Unknown
Body type: Undeveloped
Best body feature: hair
Best face feature: eyes
Breast Size: Undeveloped
Butt size/shape: Perky
Heart this
1 | 0 Comments | by TheWhiteKnight | Dec 13th 2015 19:42

josh


Name: Josh
Age: 18
Gender: male
Born: germany
Height:6'2
Hair color: silver
Hair length:long
Eye color: white
Nationality: German
Sexual Orientation:Bisexaul
Heart this
10 | 1 Comment | by TheWhiteKnight | Dec 13th 2015 19:34

Ashley


Name: Ashley
Age: 24
Gender: Female
Born: U.S.A.
Height: 5'4
Hair color: white
Hair length: Long
Eye color: Blue
Sexual Orientation: Bisexaul
Body type: fit
Best body feature: tail
Best face feature: eyes
Breast Size: 34DD
Butt size/shape: pear
Heart this
7 | 0 Comments | by TheWhiteKnight | Dec 13th 2015 19:30

Zack Averin


Name: Zack Averin
Age: 19
Gender: Male
Born: Russia
Height: 5'7
Hair color: dirty Blonde
Hair length: short
Eye color: Blue
Nationality: Russian
Sexual Orientation: Female
Heart this
4 | 0 Comments | by TheWhiteKnight | Dec 13th 2015 19:23

First time user


I have plenty of Facebook accounts.but i figure why not have another RP account especially with fb going around disabling accounts left and right x.x
Heart this
4 | 0 Comments | by SerenaHunterKogan | Dec 13th 2015 18:38

Game...continued


This is shiro...the name kept throwing me off.
Heart this
0 | 0 Comments | by Cylie | Dec 7th 2015 09:30

raven


continuing my game, i now post a girl named raven, she is insane and cute and even a little shy....i lied on the last part
Heart this
1 | 0 Comments | by Cylie | Dec 2nd 2015 19:57

Alexander Lidelse


Name: Alexander Lidelse
Race: Human
Height: 6'4''
Age: 22
Personality: Friendly, but can become very protective.
Powers: Fire bending
History: Alex is an only child for one of the lesser islands, but one with a mighty trading node nontheless. He was only allowed out of the castle when he and his parents went to visit important parties and the coronation of the new empress.
Heart this
32 | 4 Comments | by Flabberoo | Dec 2nd 2015 10:36

Lead demon - Kovina Scar


Name : Kovina Scar
Age: 19
Sex: Female
Sexuality: Bisexual
Personality: Cruel, angered, relentless, and no remorse.
Appearance: Long white hair, lightly tanned skin, red eyes, always wearing flashy clothing, bat wings about 10ft in spanth and her clothes even have to be black.
She is a 3/4 demon. But she wasn't born that way, she was originally human. But when she turned 16 she had a choice whether she wanted to good or evil. But the way she was raised, she was only taught to be mean and angry. So she chose evil. And when she did, all her memories were lost, along with the family she had. She was changed to a demon. They trained her, they made her relentless, reckless, and they made her into a emotionless being. Not to mention she has no guilt for what she does, even if innocent people get harmed.
Heart this
2 | 0 Comments | by Kunoichi | Dec 2nd 2015 02:06

Game...continued


How I imagine serna, a stuck up full of herself samari....I don't like her.....I mean the character not the actual person
Heart this
0 | 0 Comments | by Cylie | Dec 1st 2015 13:48

Game...continued


This next pick is Bruno...in his late teens he has a cross bow and is happy to use it, plus he is unique for reasons I can't yet reveal....it might ruin a plot twist in my forum....
Heart this
0 | 0 Comments | by Cylie | Dec 1st 2015 13:43

Noah (Vangurd/Yu-gi-oh)


Yu-gi-oh (non-cannon deck, will nerf it at the start and reveal its true stregth later on):
First storyline:
Name: Noah kiba
Deck type: Serpent
Best card: Rainbow dragon, serpent form
Alternate decks: Relic deck, magic deck, robot deck
Backstory: Born with Seto Kiba, i was raised to be the best, and my ego shows it, my mother is unkown
Romance?: Can happend, but i dont recommend
Second storyline:
Name: Noah ___(last name unkown)
Deck Type: Serpent
Best card: Rainbow dragon, Serpent form
No alternate decks
Backstory: At a young age, my parents were taken, to defeat the man who toke them, i need the millium items
Romance?: Yes, highly recommended


Vanguard: (non- cannon cards)
Name: Noah ___(last name unkown)
Deck type: Serpent/dragon
Surpior ride: Grass dragon
advatar: Grass dragon, released
Stragy: not saying
Romance: um....sure
Backstory: At a very young age my parents left me in the forest. Since then, i've grown up alone expect for one man who taught me everything i know, and my deck. Many have challeged me and i became known as the forest king, because of how i use the power of snakes to crush my enemy
Heart this
2 | 0 Comments | by alakazamlover4 | Nov 30th 2015 19:11

Game...continued


This is Amelia, a one eyed teen who tends to loose her sanity for short amounts of time...
Heart this
0 | 0 Comments | by Cylie | Nov 30th 2015 12:23

Military Girl - Kiara Akiaria


Name: Kiara Akiaria
Age:18
Sex: Female
Sexuality: Straight
Personality: Sweet, kind, and social. Serious, determined, and never backs down to anyone or thing.
Appearance: Wears a black cloth over her face, wears a general suit w/ 4stars on it. Carries a svd-sniper on her back w/ 2 pistols, 4 pocket knives, 2 machetes, and a walkytalky also.
Bio: After she was born she was brought around a house full of weapons. Her parents being the top kotch killers and generals in the military section. At the age of 2 her mother went on a mission and never came back. As soon as she was able to walk, her father started to train her with knives. Age 5 she was the best knife thrower on that team. As soon as she turned 10 he father finally put a gun in her hands. She trained day and night learning how to hit the target directly. Age 11 her father left for his final mission. She prayed and hoped he would return safely. But he never did and when she turned 14 she pushed herself hard. Day after day she trained. Night after night she never slept. She became the best sniper in the military base. Age 16 she was moved from a shoulder to a general. She got all her badges, her trophies, and awards. Age 18 she became a 4 star general. Soon to be the youngest 5 star general there ever was.
Heart this
1 | 0 Comments | by Kunoichi | Nov 28th 2015 18:59