Funniest starter for a rp I have ever made!

(pretty self explanatory. its a really funny starter i made and its a bit offensive but I myself am a Vegetarian but anyway this is a very very funny starter I wrote)

(Start. staring off as Lincoln)

12.35pm, its 12.35 f***ing pm. My head is racing and my breath stinks of liquor, I wake up and realise I had been drinking...of f***ing course I had been drinking. Life sucks and it only gets worse. I wake up and stumble about trying to find the bedside light switch to my lamp.

I turn the lamp on and am blinded by the light "Arrggh f***!" I cover my eyes as I try to adjust them "Stupid f***ing idea Linc! STUPID F***ING IDEA!" I kick the table and hurt my foot "STUPID F***ING! BASTARD! AHHH!" I cry out in pain as I had just kicked a wooden table with bare feet and it killed me...oh well at least it distracted me from my throbbing headache.

I go to the fridge seeing there is no milk or bread left and I roll my eyes "Typical...hmmph" I get dressed, semi decent at least...I'm just going to the local shop it not like I'm going to f***ing church give me a break. I wore dirty jeans, stained with grease and hopefully not semen. I also wore a tank top and I walk out going to the shop.

I walk in and see that new girl, she was the daughter of the shop owner. Avoid all eye contact and pretend she's not there, just until you make your purchase. I walk over to the milk isle and start to look for a bottle of milk when I see it "Hey! HEY! WHAT THE!?! SINCE F***ING WHEN DO WE SERVE F***ING VEGANS IN THIS DAMNED TOWN?" I pick up the carton of almond milk "Not one month ago! no damned Almond Milk! now look at this!" I roll my eyes and put it back before I grab a bottle of milk and grab a loaf of white bread before going to the counter "just this please" I said with a very displeased and grumpy tone in my voice as I was hungover, hungry and grumpy and that meant I really didn't give a sh*t about anyone else's problems, literally someone could get hurt or get robbed right now in front of me and I would not give a single f***! Thats right, you heard me...one single f***. Nope not at all.

I looked at the new girl, she was cute actually but not my type...bet she's the reason they stock that vegan food now...damned Vegan bastards...FOOD IS FOOD! SO WHAT IF IT GOES MOO OR QWACK OR BAA! Its meant to be eaten.
about an hour ago