so today marks a new beginning right?
cleaning my bedroom out for a move and getting ready to put things into boxes..
it doesn't seem right just to up and leave this house that has so many memories. i've lived here all my life, my bedroom is my safe space. if i don't have this place then what will i have?

i know you're probably thinking, well Mia.. look ahead to the future instead of the past. that's extremely hard to do for me. change is hard for me. i don't like change. i've been through so much stress already. i don't wanna deal with a move.

thanks all to who have been here for me, i dont say it enough but i appreciate you. i love all of you.

well this month is the moment of truth
lets see if i can manage to finesse a couple acceptance letters from colleges c:
but anyways other than worrying about my future, its time for prom preparations!!
i'm going with my friends this year since no boy wants to ask me *sigh*
this weekend i'm going shopping for my dress with them and i couldn't be any more excited about it. I'm going for something simple in style and color so i can possible wear it again or sell it to someone for extra cash afterwards. i already made all my appointments for the week of Prom so i dont forget and i can feel t ease at least about that. its also a time for being with your friends as much as possible. i can not stress enough how important friends are and how little time you actually have with them so don't take them for granted. anyways im heading out so i dont get another sleepless night here
Peacetea!

well seeing as though the new year is upon us..
i've decided to write a blog about my past year an the year to come

*it was the best and worst of times
from sneaking out of the house with my best friend and making it back safely without getting caught just to go get a slurpee and look out over the city on a hill, to watching her leave for college that one night after being with her for 6 years.

*it had its twist endings as well like the time i dyed my hair for the first time and it turned out horrible xD but i fixed it and ended up loving it. and the time i fell off a canoe and almost drowned

*it had eye opening moments when i realized you cant always care what people think of you and you should do what you want when you want to

*discovering new artists and listening to them on repeat for days at a time or until you find the next best one

so December should be a time for creating beautiful things

for slipping into something a little more warmer

and drinking warm Apple Cider

or writng poetry about a long lost love you once had

yet, i find myself sitting here on a cold December night and wondering what

i could do to make you love me.. why i'm not enough

i'm sitting here at 10:30 at night....

wondering what i did to deserve these cards
bad love life
bad brain problems
and now fear of leaving home without any knowledge on how to do anything or if i'll ever see my friends again.
is there a rewind button to press so i can go back to being a kid? because ill gladly press it if i never have to deal with puberty and adulting ever again.
ill just watch cartoons all day and drink hot chocolate with a stuffie
i don't even need a caregiver, ill be fine on my own. i just want to be okay for once in my life and not be stressed so much about my future because right now i have no idea what i'm evening doing with my life an feeling like breaking down at the very thought of going to college all by myself and having to deal with interacting with new people. like what if i don't find my own people or i don't actually get a useful degree and i end up homeless with no job?! or worse what if i'm stuck doing something i hate?!? i don't want this anymore. i'm sorry i wanted to grow up so much. i should of listened to everyone when they told me its not all its cracked up to be. someone lease just hold me and tell me i'm overreacting because i am not okay right now and i don't want to grow up anymore.