its the start of my thanksgiving break and i am lounging on the couch with a cup of black tea. so here it goes, not in any particular order of importance.

How does a girl get up the courage to tell a boy she'd developed feelings for him? without completely destroying the friendship entirely? its so nerve racking and i'm constantly changing my mind about how to go about it. The clock keeps ticking and my time is running out here...

i recently sent my college application and fasfa in to the state. now its a waiting game to see if i'm worth any of their time to accept me. i'm so nervous, i keep wondering what ill do if they all fail to accept me. ill think of something though. maybe a community college even though that was a last resort thing.funny how things can change drastically within a year, if you would of asked around this time last year what was going to happen i wouldn't of predicted this at all.

Recently I've been looking back on photos and looking at old friends who don't speak to me much anymore. its really sad and i wish i could speak to them again just to see how they are. i really worry about all of you. the amount of hate on here i see sometimes kills me. cant we all be nice to each other? the world is already in enough despair that we shouldn't add to it. i come on here to get away from it and build a relationship with you guys. please send eachother some love


okay now that i've rambled, enjoy this gif of Ashton being his ray of sunshine self

Well today was terrible

*sister cancels on me to take me to get my tattoo
*tells me I'm immature for not schedualing an appointment with my artist, mind you I had called him and he told me it was okay for me to come in as a walk in
*mom tells me my tattoo design is just a fad and popular now and I won't want it in the future
*grandma was rude to my artist
*didn't get my tattoo because I needed a photo ID from the state.

I don't know if anyone reads these but I'll keep typing them
Today's been a normal day and my spirits have been raised a bit
Hoping some day I'll feel like my old self again
I'm still open to help people, I'm just not in the mood to take on too much
I just want everyone to be happy
Sorry if I let people down

Hullo fellow earthlings!

i'm currently listening to some TOP and home along ;//
that's okay though because that means i can blast it louder (sorry neighbors)
so the topic of discussion today is *pours tea* dreams
ever had a dream where your falling and you feel it like its actuallly happening?
according to researchers, it may mean that ,"falling is an indication of insecurities, instabilities, and anxieties. You are feeling overwhelmed and out of control in some situation in your waking life. This may reflect the way you feel in your relationship or in your work environment. You have lost your foothold and keep up with the hustle and bustle of daily life. When you fall, there is nothing that you can hold on to. You more or less are forced toward this downward motion without any control. This lost of control may parallel a waking situation in your life"(dream moods.com is my source )
i feel like this can be relevant to alot of peoples lives.
so take a day to rest and let the stresses of life melt away with a cup of your favorite tea or coffee

Here's a short story for ya

I used to write blog posts on another roleplay app, it was a form of almost release for me.

I met this boy through them and we would talk for hours about random stuff. He confided in me his problems and I mine. We became bestfriends and it was always exciting when he would log on. I felt like someone actually cared to talk to me. He said all the right things when I needed them. We even planned a roadtrip one day when we both had our license of places we wanted to visit together.Then one day out of the blue I felt like it was starting to grow into something more. I told him in confidence that I was starting to like him. No response for a day or two telling me he knew this would happen and that he didn't feel the same way.

Fast forward to the day he finally told me he liked me. I was on top of the world. He made me happy, it was a genuine happiness I couldn't get rid of. We dated for 2 months, the weird part being we weren't in a honeymoon stage. We still acted like we were best friends but he never called me babe or love or any cute nivknames. To be fair I didn't either.

I noticed a change in interaction between us nearing the end of our relationship, the texts becoming shorter, how short his temper was and extended silences that lasted weeks at at time. Like he didn't care about it anymore or me. I would send him one text a day asking If he was okay and this went on for about 2 weeks.

I finally got the response but in a different way, it wasn't him who responded either. I received the reply via Kik from a so called "observer" that had been monitoring our conversations which is a total invasion of privacy on their part. Conversations I didn't think would be shown to anyone else. Anywyas this observer began to rattle my brain with "stop bullying a 16 year old" and "he doesn't owe you any explanation as to why he cut off connection with you"

What a f***ing prick, what an Asshat move to have your friend (whom you claimed to have no friends) to bully me for this accusation of bullying you?
Who does that? What kind of problems to you have to have to treat your bestfriend/girlfriend this way? I don't understand what I had done and I wanted at least an explanation so I'd know what I need to work on, not messages of how I should kill myself and I'm what's wrong with the world.


I'm sorry this was a long rant I just needed to get it out.

Sincerely,
The girl who loves too hard