ʀᴇᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ ᴍᴇ ᴡʜᴇɴ

I just woke up pretty randomly, it's 2:33 AM and I'm decently surprised that I don't have anything dreadful to say. I have no story to tell or idea about anything really but I feel like if I let my mind wander the subject of close people that are not-so-close anymore, I could get something out of myself, but I don't think I'm looking to rip the piss out of myself right now. A new, rare occasion, I know I know. I had a really good shower when I got home and didn't think I'd sleep too early but I woke up too early and here I am with one foot in the gutter and one foot in the gold. The gutter being potential to not be able to go to sleep again and have a night like my recent bad one, the gold being that I enjoy this little time I have with myself waking up so randomly and I'm able to sleep again.

And I type these things out how I see them play in my head, I don't stop and think of what to say or even really delete things, this is all pretty damn raw. I simply woke up, got out of bed and made sure not to disturb Miles, and headed to sit in the kitchen and write and here I am.

"Alex, why have you been writing so much lately?"

I actually have three answers for that. One, typically I think I'd write this much if I had the time and care to put it up here, and two, this week seems a little special. You, me, words, you know? I've got the opportunity and I've got this weird mentality currently so why not just write whatever comes to head lately. Four, because I can and I want to, it really comes down to that if you find everything else I've said to just look like an excuse like I do.

Anyway, it's weird, I've had this random thought cross my mind, it told me I don't wanna have break. Isn't that weird? I've been bickering about all my time wasted, all the sleep that's been deprived because of working this week, and yet I think a small, weird, deeper piece of me wants to stay like this. It's not a good idea to a different me, is it? That's occupied from the morning to late afternoon, itching like I'm a damn junkie to go home and shower and hop into bed. I don't know, I haven't really known for the past- what! Two days? It's been two days, Christ

I don't f***in' care I guess, just stop looking at the time, right?
God f***ing damn me. With this unstoppable train of thought I've had ever since I was even able to have an unstoppable train of thought, you get a lot of random things, a lot of things you don't even know are true or not or typical or hypocritical and stuff like that, - like right now I got a thought that I wanted to write but I'm here talking about somethin completely different. I said these were random rants and writings, never said they'd be interesting or constructed well

So I just had the thought that I'm surprised with all this talking I haven't went onto the topic of Miles yet. You all are sighing, right? "The one time we get to see him talk about himself and his mind wanders to Miles!"
Yeah well suck it up okay, he deserves this little credit and we all know how I am with people I love anyway

So here's the thing; he's been great lately, he always is, but I've been kinda needing it. I just wish I could get it without seeming like I'm miserable and needing of it, which I'm not I'm just slumping and every time Miles opens his mouth it seems like he helps me far more than I remember he could. He's very physical with things too and I like that a lot, hugs and kisses and whatnot whenever possible and then he's funny and sh*te. As little as it was as well, he gave me a cig earlier and I loved that. Not because it was that he was giving me a free cigarette but I just mentioned casually that I needed one and his mind immediately went to just giving me one. It's things like those where I realize what a damn giving person he is, I love him a lot.
That and I'll be laying on the bed and I'm clearly not sleeping, just kind of existing, and he'll walk in and immediately cage me in and we're being all playful but then it can slip into us being something more serious, which I like seeing from Miles, because I like seeing every part of him.

I've also got this new song I really like covered by good ole Paul Anka, it's called Oh, Such a Stranger, let me get a link if y'wanna give it a listen..

www.youtube.com/watch?v=-3kM-c2trlM

I'll tell you one thing; if you listen to it and don't like it, I won't be able to understand, hah. Yeah but... yeah... I think I'll end it here? I don't like ending things like this, it feels like there's so much more to be said potentially and I don't like saying goodbye on these things, it feels sad. Once I click post, I'm on my own again until my next comforting writing...

so I guess this isn't a "goodbye", it's a "I'll see you again"
Right, I'll try and sleep now I think. See ya