6/30/22

-11:31 -

I started talking to Brayden again, that helped quite a bit. I guess things are normal between us now, I hope. I kept joking with him today saying he was gay, though I'm actually starting to believe cameron rubbed off on him..but anyways. I'm just glad he's doing a bit better, better than me atleast.

I don't suppose there's a lot to write about today, same things with Cody. If he doesn't start making an effort to talk to me first I'm gonna lose interest, there's not a lot keeping me anymore. I explained my hurt and keep getting hurt so I give up, I've officially given up on him after all this time. I don't think he realizes why I've been the way I've been these past couple of days, I'm alone. I feel so alone right now and he doesn't get that. I'm starting to look for other ways to get the attention he's not giving me and he's gonna regret it some day. I feel like an attention whore for saying that but it's the truth. I need someone, and here lately some 'things' aren't cutting it for me. I don't have anything to catch thrills with anymore, I'm stuck. This summer is an absolute nightmare. I just wish I had someone who cared. Hate to say it, but I lost everything when I chose Cody over Brayden. Brayden knew it too. He keeps saying I told you so, which he did, and I knew it too.

I'm feeling so much to a point where I'm gonna go numb soon, and then I'm gonna be the bad guy. Everybodys testing me lately. Finna test how well my wrist can fight a blade. I hate everything. There's nothing left for me anymore. But that being said, it is what it is. I'm just gonna have to get used to being alone now, the only way I'll get myself out of this depression pit I've been in.


To anyone still even looking at these, goodnight. ❤

- 11:40 - Damn I'm getting earlier and earlier with these.