Journal~ 7/27/21

Sometimes I find myself hating you. I hate how happy you made me. I hate how you gave me this false sense of security. I hate how I explained my hurt to you and you still ended up hurting me in the end. I hate how I was never first best when it came to things. I hate how everything was a double standard with you and how you never took my feelings into consideration. I hate how you knew I would do anything for you and you still treated me the way that you did sometimes. I hate how i poured so much of myself into you, pieces that I won’t get back or even be able to replace. I hate how you’re doing just fine while I’m now emotionally unavailable for myself or for any other man that decides to love me. I hate you and I wish I could yell at you, I wish I could hit you, I wish I could call every terrible name there is in hopes of making you feel the same pain you caused me. I hate you and I hate myself for still loving you.