I shouldn’t be hurting this f***ing bad. And it feels like everyday this feeling becomes worse and worse. I feel myself becoming obsessed over a situation that I can’t change.

Angry or not, there’s only so much pretending I can do. I keep trying to be okay but really, I miss you and I need you. I just wish the feeling was mutual.

I want you as miserable as I was. And everyday I regret not treating you badly when I should’ve made your life a living f***ing hell.

“And when there are no more tears left to cry, there is always hate.”

Sometimes I find myself hating you. I hate how happy you made me. I hate how you gave me this false sense of security. I hate how I explained my hurt to you and you still ended up hurting me in the end. I hate how I was never first best when it came to things. I hate how everything was a double standard with you and how you never took my feelings into consideration. I hate how you knew I would do anything for you and you still treated me the way that you did sometimes. I hate how i poured so much of myself into you, pieces that I won’t get back or even be able to replace. I hate how you’re doing just fine while I’m now emotionally unavailable for myself or for any other man that decides to love me. I hate you and I wish I could yell at you, I wish I could hit you, I wish I could call every terrible name there is in hopes of making you feel the same pain you caused me. I hate you and I hate myself for still loving you.