29th of August 2019

Today I turn 18.

I don't usually post my birthday, 'cause it's more of a personal and emotional day for me but today's an important one.
This site has done as much good as bad to me. Some of the people here have been the best and some the worst in my life. Whether I like it or not, I am incredibly tied to this place.
I'm grateful for every moment. I've experienced and learnt and written so much in these past three years. Met so many people. I've improved unimaginably as a writer, something I'm very proud of, and hopefully in the next three I'll get even better.
Thank you to everyone that I have met along the way. I remember every single story I've written with you, every single character. Don't ever doubt that, my friends!

Yesterday I spent my morning with a lady that said a few things about love, and I wanted to share. This woman is the strongest woman I know, even before my mother, and I think her place in the world does not justify the fire of her heart. But I'm not going to write down the tragedies of her life, I'm going to talk about what she said.
She fought with her boyfriend of four years, and she wishes she had the strength to leave him behind and go back to her home country but she doesn't. She told him to please tell her he doesn't love her, to please tell her to leave, but he said she'd never hear that.
There's more than one way to show love.
She told me he's ugly, he's lanky and awkward and doesn't take care of himself and yet she cannot think of being with another man. She says the way he stares at her with those slanted eyes makes her lose her composure.
For a woman who has gone through Hell and back, how can one man's gaze melt her in such way?

She told me love is her only weakness, her only addiction, the one habit she went ever live down.

I wish to celebrate that. I want to spend the rest of my life loving. Heartbreak is just the side effect of being a hopeless lover, but I think it's more than worth it.
I don't think there is anything as pure or as beautiful. Every time I wonder why we are on this Earth, why not die, I am reminded that I might just never be able to love outside this lifetime.
I am excited for the future. I will never stop smiling. As long as I have my loved ones with me, nothing is worth my sadness. I believe that is a weakness as much as a strength.

I always remind myself that this is the only body I have, the only body I'll live in, the only eyes I'll see through. It's humbling. It reminds me to treat myself kindly, to put myself before others.
Treat others how you'd like to be treated. Treat yourself how you treat others.

I have yet to master selflessness.

I wonder when the next time I'll feel sad and hopeless will be. For now I will enjoy the inspiration and happiness inside me.

This self-reflection is something I'll come back to.