Forum > Out of Character > Trouble with Valentines day (Seeking advice)

PinstripedGangster - Feb 14th 2019 02:31

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Normally I keep everything to myself, but I could really use the advice of anyone willing to help me with this problem.

I have a long distance relationship, I live in america, he is in England. He messages me this morning about spending valentines day gaming and talking. (So we are clear, admin is female.)

I tell him that valentines day is not a holiday in my city and is not observed outside of stores having discounts and pink decorations. Which is true, it is just a normal day in my city with no real significance, no one really observes it outside the occasional date.

I kindly told him this, and how that because of this, I had never celebrated valentines day, not even once, and I had very little knowledge on it besides the dating aspect of the day.

But even after telling him this information I still said I would love to spend the day with him...

And he blows me off saying that 'Since it's not a big deal to you and you clearly don't care then why bother?'

I mean, he is right, it is just any other day for me and my community, but even so it is still a day I want to spend with him because I love him.

Telling him that expecting me to remember the date of a holiday I don't even celebrate and then get mad at me for not remembering said date is not fair, but he only repeated that it didn't matter to him and that essentially I didn't care about him...

He has MS and it sometimes messes with his mind, and ever since his last message he simply stopped replying to me. Even told me to spend it with my father (which I can't do as he is working all day on valentines day.) After telling him I couldn't because dad was working and I didn't want to spend time with my dad on that day anyways, he stopped replying.

I honestly don't know where to turn, and I don't know what to do....

How do I get him to understand that he cant expect me to remember a date of a holiday that I have NEVER observed in my life and it isn't fair to get mad at me over it? He is trying to guilt trip me (AGAIN) saying that I felt he didn't matter even though I told him that isn't the truth....Asking me to remember what date valentines day is, is like asking him to know when Ramadan is. (I mean no disrespect in this statement, he isn't a Muslim and neither am I, so asking him to know the date of a holiday he doesn't observe is the same as doing the same to me.)

I don't know what to do anymore and could use advice.

What do you guys think?

MissWannaLive - Feb 15th 2019 13:31

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He might have MS (which given a quick Google search I now know contributes to memory loss), but it's not an excuse to guilt trip you for any reason over something so minor. If he's upset that you forgot Valentine's day, he needs to communicate it differently. To me it sounds like a red flag, especially if this apparently isn't the first time he's guilt tripped you. But, I don't wanna throw in the "oh he's a bad boyfriend" card just yet, given only this incident. Whatever this case, in this scenario, he's in the wrong and you should expect an apology.

PinstripedGangster - Mar 29th 2019 04:50

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We broke up, but from an unrelated issue. I'm fine though.