If you still wanna know what I was talking about

Well

Where to start.......



About 6-7 years ago both my mom's side and my dad's side of the family turned their backs on my dad and my mother, which also means they turned their backs on me (I was 10 or 11 at the time) which caused me to have horrible abandonment issues

About a year or so before that happened (when I was 9-10) we'd visit my grandmother (on my mom's side) who was an alcoholic, she used to get wasted and verbally abuse me, my mother, and my father, so much so that I ended up going to therapy for it because I had become so depressed from it, and since then I've been overly insecure, which is why I act so confident, I fake it so people believe when in reality I feel like every little thing is being judge by someone


And then there's my ex girlfriend, we broke up early in the summer, she was extremely abusive verbally and manipulated the f*** out of me.... She cheated on me right infront of me and manipulated me into thinking she was forced to, and knowing her verbally and physically abusive ex that she did cheat with I didn't doubt it because it sounded like something he'd do....

All her lying and manipulating and up and leaving me for him then lying about being with him after our break-up has kinda made all those things worse and worst of all I was starting to move past alot of them, now they're all twice as bad, I have anxiety attacks more often and I overthinking a hell of a lot, the cherry ontop being all these things are, I don't know the right word but I'll just use triggers, triggers that make my adhd spike, anxiety attack? Adhd won't let me stand still? Overthinking? Adhd makes me get lost in those thoughts to the point where I've spent hours in my head


I know this probably sounds like a pitty party and I've opened up to people who've told me that it was and they were a**holes to me afterwards thinking I was so desperate for attention I was using this as an exscuse for it..... So yeah