Someone PLEASE

Don't ignore me!

They all broke their promises. None of them feel bad, none of them care if they kill me. They are. I was getting better, I was gonna get better. But every lie, every promise every time anyone stays silent is killing me. They all promised to protect me or heal me and they treated me like I'm less than nothing.. I just want things to go back. It hurts. Everything I ever believed or trusted in shattered. I just want things to be happy. I want to feel safe again. I want hope. They promised not to get tired or annoyed and they all said I was too much... it hurts... oy everyone please...

Please.... I didn't ask to be born. I don't want to be alone. Please don't make me be alone. I need someone, just one person to not make me feel like I'm a horrible person. I need, I want soft things please. I get yelled at, or ignored and I just need someone to be patient. I'm not like this on purpose. I'm genuinely broken. I'm on disability for f***s sake. I know I'm a complete freak of nature. I just want... to be happy. I keep telling everyone how to make me happy but they say things that hurt and act like it's such a f***ing problem to talk to me/spend time time with me.. pretend to be happy around me. After they promised.

I just want to be happy. I used to be happy. It's not that hard, everyone's acting like I'm such a f***ing problem. I can't feel anything but pain now. I can't remember what it feels like to have hope, or feel close to someone. I feel complete emptiness or I feel pain and it's horrifying. Please... please I've begged so much. I've spent this entire year begging. I'm not supposed to beg. Its like you're all spitting on me every time you make me do it. And it doesn't mean anything to you when I do. How many times you all have driven me to end up in the hospital.

I got enough self hatred. I got my "family" sh*t. I already want to die.

Please. I need someone to listen. I need happy, never ending happy. No angst. There's too much angst. I've never been able to stand sad things. I need to feel closer. I need happy things. I need Max to be happy to help me be happy.

Lots of cute. Lots of happy. Celebrating anniversaries, hope about the future. Not being left alone when I'm upset. Not being ignored or avoided. Not being pushed aside for others. So much happiness and cuteness and love that it would make others sick.

Happy, cute, loving, hopeful things and I won't be so damn annoying all the time. I'm drowning in bad stuff. I need to be pulled close not pushed away.

Please someone do these things. ACTUALLY do them. Please. Don't get distant. Don't act annoyed. Message ME. Comment on my stuff! All these things you all promised and all lied about.

Tell me I'm wanted. SHOW ME I'M WANTED OR I'M DONE. I'll end it. And I won't f***ing bother a single one of you ever again.
Heart this
0 | Nov 8th 2018 12:51