OOC Life.


Before I begin, I want to thank anyone who is reading this. I feel it's time for all of you to understand more about me and my life. What I go through on a regular basis since I was 13 years old is a choice I've decided to make for myself and I'm paying the consequences. I'll never forgive myself.

From the age of 13 to my present age (20) I have been suffering from a severe mental illness known as bipolar disorder and MMD (Major Depressive Disorder), but my doctors have labeled mine as both put together. It is a rare condition that only 5 in 10 people developed together at once. I have been in multiple mental hospitals on if I could count, thirty different medications. Nothing so far has worked out very much.

How did I develop this?

It all started after I met my first ex boyfriend when I was 13 years old. I know, maybe a little young for a relationship, but I really liked him and wanted to experience dating. Things were fine at first and then as our relationship moved on, he became obsessive of me. I wasn't allowed to hang out with friends because he would think I was cheating. And he was abusive. Very abusive mentally and physically. He would call me a bitch, a slut, ugly, worthless, about anything you could think of. He hit me on a regular basis by objects or his hands. Sometimes it would be so bad I couldn't walk after it was over.

My friends and my parents didn't know why I didn't call the police. But the only explanation now that I have and had then is that he said he loved me, and because I was young and had no knowledge of what love was.

Eventually I was able to get away from him and I was able to move on with my life. I focused on school, that was the most important thing to me at the time. Only then would I know things were to get worse for me.

When I was 14, I decided to move my roleplay to Facebook. I chose to roleplay as May Wright from EastEnders because her and I are very alike personality wise. She has depression, so do I, and we both have a mental illness. I figured it was best for me to Express myself through her. And plus, I idolize Amanda Drew (her actress) as a person and look up to her for a lot of reasons.

On Facebook, I had a lot of friends and I loved being there. When I had a bad day or even a good day, I logged on and met so many amazing people from all around the world. They made me feel like I was one of them. Then I met my second ex boyfriend. If... you even want to call him that.

He was 27 when I met him. So yeah.. I'm a victim of being preyed upon by a sexual predator. Of course back then I was stupid and didn't know what a pedophile was. I let him show me pictures of his d*ck, let him tell me he loved me, and let him promise me he was going to be with me.

I don't know what I was thinking but my whole life that's how I've viewed love. Violence, abuse, sexual assault. And it's so wrong. How sick in the head can I be?

After Dave (the second ex) dumped me, I began acting out. I cried more than necessary, I threw things at people, called my Dad a f***ing a**hole, skipped some school, lied to people, and started cutting. Everytime I blacked out from my self harming, I could see my two ex's abusing me.

My Dad was so worried about me that he took me to a doctor and that's when we discovered I was diagnosed as a mental victim.

I didn't know what to expect or how to react. I was crazy and I hated it.

Life for me since then has had it's problems. I've been bullied on social media by many people I trusted and thought were my friends, been cheated on, been lied to, and once again was heartbroken by two other relationships.

I still think I was stupid for the past. Why didn't I run away from my first ex, or why did I let my second ex prey on me?

I don't know. Maybe because I wanted to be loved.

I still have hope for my future but now, I want to focus on everyone else. Be a caring person and a good friend. Put others ahead of myself. And that's what I plan to do.


Thank you.
Heart this
1 | May 16th 2018 13:33