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FUTURE's Blog

FAILURE GIRL


Look at that, I made a mistake again

You can tell I’ve lost count with the red pen

It’s a fact, theses scars still reveal

Despite how I’ve tried forcing them to heal


See with that, they say ignorance is bliss

Playing dumb, I’ve really gotten good at this

It’s a fact, they’ll say whatever ‘bout me

How I’m unwanted and loved by nobody



Bruised before you, the pain the pain

Have to push through the pain the pain

Bid my breath adieu, the pain the pain hurts so XXXX-



Everybody tells me I’m a failure, there’s no reason to even show me love

No matter whatever I do, it falls short of enough

i-I-I just have to try and fake through the whole way

If I smile abidingly, would then it be okay?



Look at that, seems I’ve scraped my skin again

You can tell I’ve lost count of times fallen

It’s a fact, theses traumas still reveal

Despite all my tries to still conceal



See with that, I’ll pretend nothing’s amiss

Holding it in, I’ve gotten good at this

It’s a fact, they’ll say whatever they think

I feel their hatred covering me



With choking feelings, I’m quaking quaking

Self-loathing, I’m shaking shaking

Suffocating, still faking faking I’m whole



Everybody tells me I’m a failure, there’s no reason to even show me love

No matter whatever I do, I’ll still be the victim

i-I-I still wonder why I breathe in the first place

If I smile more naturally, would that make it all okay?



God if you’re there listening to my song, then please, I want to be reborn worthy

They say you don’t make mistakes, so do you just hate me?

Crying my eyes dry, my heartbeat turns to a lullaby

Maybe, maybe, when morning comes, I’ll smile for the first time

So my life of failed attempts,

‘Till tomorrow, goodbye
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0 | 0 Comments | Jan 14th 2020 19:50

LIES


Kido was running.

Where? She had no idea. She just knew she was. Something was urgent-- but what?? What exactly was urgent?? She was running towards an alleyway but why was it urgent?

It was only when she arrived there was when she realized-

She was too late.

Kido arrived too late, and she saw him. TAE. He held the wound on his neck, sprawled onto the concrete floor, and no-- no he couldn't be dying.

Right?

She bent down, swallowing dryly.

" TAE? "

TAE was barely responsive. His dark eyes flickered over towards her.

" I'm sorry. This is my fault. " Kido covered her mouth, her voice cracking. " I wanted you to look up to me and I--I screwed...I screwed up."

There was silence for a moment before his voice-- that deep voice shaking and dry, spoke up.

" No, no. You didn't. You...were a sister to me. And I let you down, man, I let you down. " TAE smiled weakly, patting Kido's cheek. " Me and HADES have said this before, didn't we? You're the best of all of us, Kido. Keep going, just keep going. It'll be okay. "

TAE's hand collapsed to the floor as soon after, and his features slowly went passive.

Kido stared at TAE's body. His motionless body that had once been alive so long ago, sprawled there. He was pale, blood was drained out from him, and his glassy eyes lay there in the ceiling.

She collapsed to her knees, immediately scrambling over to shake her best friend's body. " TAE--Oh no. Oh no, no, no, no. You can't... You can't be dead. You can't...no.."

TAE was completely unresponsive.

Her hands shook against the fabric of the male's clothing as she stared in disbelief over what was happening.

" No, no-- TAE, you're not.. you're not exactly dead, right? You're not dead- You can't be-- come on, wake up!"

No response.

TAE was dead.
TAE was dead.
TAE was dead.
TAEWASDEADTAEWASDEADTAEWASDEADTAEWASDEAD-

High pitched screaming pierced into the apathetic air.

Kido screamed until her lungs gave out. She screamed until her voice cracked and she couldn't do it anymore. She clutched at the crimson fabric of his clothes and oh there was so much blood too much blood and she couldn't handle it and it was staining the ground, her hands, her knees, her body and oh god there was so much blood and she couldn't, everything was static-

This was her fault. She did this. Useless, useless, useless girl. She was so useless she couldn't even save one person-

______


Kido immediately shot up from her bed, breathing heavily with wide eyes. Tears pricked the edges of her eyes and her nails dug into her skin.

She needed to wash her hands. Quickly. Immediately. Now, now now.

@JSONTAE
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0 | 0 Comments | Dec 26th 2019 21:55

BEGIN


It was supposed to be a normal night.

Christmas was supposed to be a relaxing day where she was free of her worries. It was supposed to be a day where she could sleep for more than ten hours, and then get ready for her date.

Christmas is a holiday, a special time of the year, and it would be the first time she’d celebrate it without stress.

Well, that was what Kido had planned.

But nope, life had other plans.

Jeongguk, a boy whom she viewed as her younger brother, had shut himself in. TAE had recently decided to hide out at his place from police, her love life was somewhat complicated, and did she mention that HADES had suddenly disappeared out of thin air?

It was an overall mess.

That caused her to still be awake and running at her apartment, preparing to get a black hoodie with the font of ‘ Overwatch ‘ on the front towards Jeongguk because she knew that as soon as he had found out about these hoodies, he’d definitely break in and steal them from her.

She might as well get the inevitable done with, she mused. Especially when she was preparing for her date simultaneously.

Clicking on the search engine of her computer while the folded hoodie was on her other hand, the keyboard clacked as she searched for the appropriate destinations she had in mind.

“ Seoul Station..? “ She muttered under her breath, gnawing the inside of her cheeks. “ Maybe I could take him there after the book cafe-”

BZZZZZ.

Her phone buzzing frantically across the counter, Kido lifted her head to look at it. Shifting across the sheets to peer at the caller ID, she quickly picked up the device once she found out who it is.

“ Hey Jeongguk, what’s u-”

" Something's wrong with TAE. "

Her blood ran cold.

" I'm on my way. " Kido immediately responded after a moment or two, quickly hanging up. Grabbing at the hoodie, she had immediately sprinted her way towards Jeongguk's apartment.

It didn’t take her long when she used the subway stations to quickly arrive towards his home. Kido stood at the male’s doorstep, her chest rising and falling rapidly as she quickly knocked at his door.

When the door creaked open, she quickly muttered out her greetings-- but it all seemed to be a blur the moment her gaze fell on TAE.

Or rather, TAE’s unconscious form.

He was breathing shallowly, his long eyelashes seemingly plastered against his upper cheekbone. Strands of his layered bangs covered his scarred eyes, and he didn’t budge from there. And his skin color...he was pale.

He wasn’t supposed to be pale. He was supposed to be tan.

The last time she saw him like this was when he had gotten shot two times on the chest.

Even then, this was not natural.

Her nails dug into the palm of her hand to the point where it drew blood.

“ What happened to him?” She asked quietly.

“ I don’t know, “ Jeongguk shook his head. “ He just...collapsed on my doorstep. “

" Collapsed, huh?" muttered Kido under her breath.

She had a feeling it went a lot deeper than that, and she did not like it.

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1 | 0 Comments | Dec 26th 2019 18:17

Throwback & Awkward Conversations


“ You know, “ remarked Kido, sitting on the steps of the stairs. “ If my body wasn’t conditioned to handle you two running like a bunch of men on steroids, I would’ve passed out by now. “

“ Wow Kido, “ mused TAE in amusement. “ You’re a lot rustier than I thought. What happened to the amazing runner we both saw a year ago?”

That had promptly earned the pale haired male a glare.

“ Now, now. Quiet down children, “ HADES’s voice came out as a drawl, his cat-like gaze stuck on his phone.

“ You’re literally older than us by a few years, and we’re children to you?” Kido stood up, irritated at how patronizing HADES was.

Seriously, if it weren’t for self-control and a full-fledged knowledge of how agile the pale guy was, she would’ve punched his teeth in for it.

Her voice taking a bit of an edge, she grounded out, “ Gee, for children-- this must count for child labor, you guys. Give me a break, I’m working on it. “

TAE rubbed the back of his neck, fingers threading through his own dyed hair, “ If you’re working on it, then keep your back straight and put your arms behind your head. That way, you retain more oxygen. “

Kido didn’t find the energy within herself to argue anymore, so she proceeded to do what TAE had said.

HADES nodding in approval, he leaned his back against the narrow alleyway they were in. His cat-like eyes gleamed, “ It’s been a while since we’ve all done this, haven’t we? “

“ Yeah, I think it’s been a year and a half since we’ve last actually meet up. “ TAE's lips tilting upwards into his signature grin, “ It’s been way too long. We should do this more often. “

After regaining her breath, Kido sat down on the steps to relieve the aching on her legs. She pressed her lips into a thin line, suppressing guilt and nostalgic moments from engulfing her too much.

“ Yeah, “ She began, “ But with your jobs, it’s only natural for you two to be together all the time. We barely had enough time for us to hang out as a team. Plus, with me being out of the whole loop... “

Both TAE and HADES exchanged looks.

“ We know. We both thought it was best for you to get out of that work field, though. “ HADES shifted in his position, “ It was our dream to escape from that sort of lifestyle, so getting you out was the first part to achieve it. “

“ But HADES, we’ve been in there for so long--I had so much trouble trying to interact with civilians that it wasn’t even funny. “ Kido’s lips pressed into a thin line, “ I’m not exactly much of a social butterfly when I’ve always been somewhat of a shut-in. ”

“ Hey, you’re not always going to be so isolated from others,“ TAE began, patting the steel railings of the stairs, “ Sooner or later, friends will come around. You’re more emotionally stable and adjusted than the two of us combined, so you’ll do good.”

Kido furrowed her brows and cast her gaze towards the ground. She was quiet for a few moments, rubbing her scarred wrists.

“ Truth be told, I’m not too sure about that. “ She uttered quietly, the wind drowning out her voice.

For a while, the three stood there. Nothing but crickets could be heard throughout the night, and the twinkling lights revealing the scenery below them were the only lights reflected from the three’s gaze.

Kido drew her knees up to her chest like a child, TAE sat on the railings of the stairs, and HADES leaned against the wall.

At least they were together again, mused the female. It was the last time that they'd be able to truly meet each other like this-- especially when they were now rogues on the run.

" So, " TAE chirped, glancing at Kido, " How's you and the guy you like so far? "

Kido choked.

At her response, TAE huffed and shoved his hands into his pockets, " Of course, you still like him, don't you? That..that doppelganger. He-who-shall-not-be-named, but has that aura of that one song--Colt 95, I think??"

" Colt 95-- what about that song- " Realization struck HADES full force, " Oh. I think I know who you're talking about. "

Kido groaned, her ears tinted tomato red. " Guys, can we please not talk about my love life like this? Besides, I know it's poor decision making on my part but I don't need that to be rubbed in my face. "

" No, we already respect your decision. " HADES lazily dismissed with a wave. " I talked to TAE about this, and we decided that you're old enough to handle having a criminal as a crush--even if we think it's stupid. "

" We also both simultaneously agreed along with the rest of your other friends, that should he hurt you, we will slit his throat for it, " TAE helpfully added.

The dark haired female restrained from smothering a scream into the palm of her hands.

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0 | 0 Comments | Nov 21st 2019 20:13

Into The Darkness


The first thing I thought of when I heard of interdimensional travel is a smooth, portal-like experience. Like that scene in Doctor Strange where you go through portals to go to certain destinations.

Or you know, traveling smoothly in general.

Not this.

Standing on the rooftop as my body tensed up, my muscles somewhat knew that I was about ready to jump off of the rooftop to get to my destination.

Yeah, I thought wryly. I gotta take a simpler route for this.

I began running- no, sprinting towards the ledge of the rooftop and jumped.

Tears welling up in the corner of my eyes were being wiped away by the wind’s fingertips.

“ AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!”

I yelled at the top of my lungs, leaping off of the rooftop and gaining the attention of the people below.

As far as I know, I’ve always wanted to skydive because it was akin to flying. It was as if you were free from any troubles in the world when you were flying.

But this.

This was not flying, this was falling.

Except I knew that this time, I wasn’t going to die. I may not have been free from any troubles, but I knew this one certain fact:

I wasn’t going to die.

How do I know, you may be asking?

Because I now had the power that my siblings had.

My siblings were all younger than me-- no more than the age of seven to six years old. Two of them were boys, one of them a girl.

Homura was the girl, the youngest one out of all of them. The middle child was Shiro, and the eldest was Shuuya.

I remember so vividly, those three siblings brought me out of my period of loneliness and brought me active joy.

At the time when I wasn't so arrogant, I loved them more than anything. They were the only ones I had in my life of loneliness, and we always used to play together in that little brick house of red.

One day, those games had turned into a fight, and their normally dark eyes had turned into a ruby color when they started yelling at each other.

I remember actively thinking, astonished at what I had seen; What a vibrant hue.

In their reddened eyes, I see, a world filled with pain so tragically-- the memories and fears that grown-ups failed to see.

However, they were so quick to turn away from me, one of them immediately tugging their hood up to his head.

This one, the youngest girl of the siblings, started sobbing and immediately covered her eyes out of pure shame, “ We really are monsters, aren’t we?! ”

“ H-hey, Homura--” The other one, a boy and the oldest out of everyone, reached out to touch her shoulder.

Homura--that was her name-- flinched and glared at him with swollen eyes. Those ruby eyes piercing through his being.

“ It’s true, isn’t it, Shuuya?! That’s-that’s why all the grown-ups hate us! Be-because of these eyes, “ She hiccuped. “ We’re all-all treated as-as monsters!! Sooner or later, our foster parents will fi-find out!”

“ ‘Mura, stop crying! Our elder sister’s already seeing this! “ Shiro, the middle sibling, snapped. “ Stop it! You’re always crying whenever someone sees us! ”

I frowned, kneeling down to their height. Despite it being illogical of all explanations, they were still my siblings-- my precious ones. Even if their eyes had such unnatural color, I still wanted to protect them.

Then, an idea struck me. I grabbed a storybook- the one about superheroes and pointed at the red cloak.

“ Hey, hey, guys, it’s okay! “ I soothed, their brilliant gaze directed at me. “ Your red eyes aren’t anything to be ashamed of. See this superhero? He’s wearing a red cape, y’ know?”

I smiled at them, grabbing a red scarf behind the corner and stood up.

Wrapping the scarf around my neck, I posed rather arrogantly. “ Heroes adorn that red so proudly, so cheer up! Even if it isn’t common, think of it as something superheroes have! Think of it, we’ll all be agents, united and tied by the red! “

I didn’t ask many questions about their eyes-- I couldn’t at the time either. Not when their eyes widened fractionally, sparkling with surprised when they saw me.

As time passed, the winds had grown on by and the adult world had grown so bitter.

At first, I thought he was doing it to rid and distract himself from grief.

However, it went on for a long time. For years and years, this went on until I was of age in my third year of high school.

I noticed that he often brought my siblings in for these experiments, but again, I never questioned it because he was my father. I trusted him and I..considered him precious to me.

As for my siblings, they never talked about it. They kept smiling and playing around like usual as if everything was normal and willy nilly.

Then I saw the note. A note about my siblings and their crimson eyes while I decided to slip into my dad’s lab to access his computer for schoolwork.

When I did, I saw everything.

What he planned to do with them, what he wanted, and the purpose of those crimson eyes that my siblings had. Those crimson eyes represented pain and power-- the reason why they were mistreated, and the very reason why my dad experimented with them. I saw the abilities that those eyes had.

To put it bluntly, it was not of this world. I didn’t know the how’s, what’s, or the why’s, but it didn’t matter to me.

Those eyes were the manifestation of their ability to grant wishes, and why their bodies worked..differently.

In return for those abilities, curses befell them all.

I had to protect them.

So I decided to do something. It took me years to come up with a delicate plan- to the point where I had to miss years of schooling as I carefully made one of my siblings, Homura, be a replacement for myself in school.

And then I came up with a very bold, stupid plan.

I knew that in a certain period, their powers would heighten to even open up a new world where this world would swallow another victim up and cause another person to be the manifestation of those powers.

This process was called, ‘ The Daze. ‘

I would enter that daze, shoulder every curse that they all had, and use my newfound powers to strip them of their powers so they would live life as normal children.

But that’d require me to die after making that wish-- a wish from the bottom of my heart. And I was willing to do so.

But that plan.. came earlier than I expected it to be. I didn’t know the consequences of what would happen if I became the universal Wishgiver.

That time came quicker than I realized.

Everything led to this moment, right here, right now.

When I jumped, the sky looked as if it had ripped open a hole in the sky into a new world— a new sky.

It was sharp, intense, and consuming.

It was literally suffocating me.

When a hole is torn between dimensions, it's not a mirror. It's a f***ing black hole.

In only a matter of seconds, I was sucked through.

And that was when my ' story ' began.
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1 | 0 Comments | Nov 5th 2019 13:47
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